My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
