You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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