you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
