Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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