I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
