I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
