You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
