i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
