Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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