He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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