I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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