I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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