Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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