So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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