Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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