so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
