somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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