Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
