There was a lot of him and a little penis
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
