Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
