Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
