Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
