she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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