Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize