I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
