dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
