Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
