So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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