More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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