wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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