I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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