It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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