I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
