just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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