and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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