shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
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Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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