i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So vagazzling was a success
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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