you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
