if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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