According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
