Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
