I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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