He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
