I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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