Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
