pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
