I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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