Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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