Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
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How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
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