cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
