do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
