this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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