The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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