i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
