apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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