I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
