And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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