At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
