Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
