she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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