Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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