He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
