just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
