I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
