hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
