Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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