im drinking this country out of the recession.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
