there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
