Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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