My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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