Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
