i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
