You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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