we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
