I'm going to jail i love you
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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